he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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