it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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