dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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