And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
