fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
