five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
