Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
