apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
