Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
