thus making me awesome and them whores
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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