Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
