I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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