i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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