I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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