It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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