you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
