Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
