I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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