u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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