I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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