Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
