I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
