i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
