So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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