:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
And then my night got REAL pukey
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
