It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
