I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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