Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my sisters under your porch take her home
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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