party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
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