Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
