i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
