Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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