i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just google imaged poop.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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