hotel room ftw
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
