I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
