It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
