if you like me you must not know who I am
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
