She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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