I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
