In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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