At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
