but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Randomize
