Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
