Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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