Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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