Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
