the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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