I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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