we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
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