yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
