Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
jump out the window naked night went bad
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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