mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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