I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
