He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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