lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I forget how to act sober
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
