I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize