I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I have feelings that need drinking.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
