I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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