I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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