like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
