He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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