If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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