I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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