I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
