so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
