Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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