you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
