she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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