maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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