There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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