I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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