u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
