Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
