I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
