There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
