Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
