i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
