i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
