i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Randomize
