He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
