so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
